The Voices in My Head
Today I'm listening to "The Tender Bar", by J.D. Moehringer. It's a lovely memoir of a life lived as the young son of an absentee alcoholic father.
And I'm living in the silence that logically follows a marathon date. The voices in my head, as the three month milestone approaches, predict all sorts of conclusions that I do not desire. I hope not every single woman trying to build a relationship has the same fears as I. Today I'm thinking this must all be related to my Little Adoptee baggage, not simply to the chaos that is dating-after-50.
Is there anyone in the over-50 crowd who doesn't find dating chaotic — who finds it a pleasant way to spend time? Is it pleasant for men but not for women, as men are more in control of the dating logistics? My new acquaintance, the Traveler, indicates it's not any easier for men than for women.
If you're a person of age who enjoys dating and you're reading this, I'd love to hear your viewpoint.
So my challenge today is to keep the voices as quiet as possible while I focus on the sewing task I promised to finish today for a friend.
This line of thinking was prompted by a line written by Moehringer: "Life is all a matter of choosing which voices to tune in and which to tune out."
1 comment:
I was perusing your diary entry today and began to cogitate about whether it is easier for men over 50 to participate in the dance of anticipatory intimacy than women.
Women might think men have it easier because women feel they must wait until asked for companionship by men. Until the phone rings, women must find something else to do with their available time. This sounds logical on its face but, from a man's perspective, he is the one that must stick his neck out, take a chance on rejection (ouch!) and make that phone call. If the woman uses the tired old brush-offs of "I have to take my cat to the vet to have its teeth brushed" or, "I have an appointment to have the air changed in my tires. Can I have a raincheck until the next earthquake in Tucson?" Catch my drift? So,the door swings both ways; it hits you in the face when your coming and in your butt when you're leaving! HA! This addage applies to both sexes equally. After all, there is a God who tries to maintain equilibrium here on earth. Right? So, as Moehringer once said: "Drop in or drop out." No, come to think of it, Dr. Timothy Leary penned that line. Sorry, Dr. Leary has left the building. Anyway, I was just "funning around" there. Confession time. Personally, I don't want to grow old by myself. I have seen too many old people in VA hospitals, retirement homes and assisted living complexes who are very alone. It's scary! I'm a social creature. I do best when I have people around me. That's why I enjoy eating breakfast in a restaurant. At the first of the day, most diners are happy and optimistic. It's in their voices and body language. I sit there and feed off their "Good Vibrations." I really enjoy the sounds of children playing on school playgrounds at recess and listening to the cacaphony of birds chirping in the park. All of these things inspire me to be more cheerful, confident and caring of others. So, like millions of other men I will always be willing to take a chance, make the phone call, set a date and see where it goes. I haven't yet had the experience of "this is the one", but I can truly say I have enjoyed meeting every one of these ladies and sharing a meal and good conversation with them. While I'm on confessions, my timing sucks! There have been two women in my life that really cared about me. No, besides my mother, one passed away without me ever telling her I loved her ( I truly did) and the other transferred to Pennsylvania while I was running in place. She later said I had confused her. So, you never know what you've got till it's gone. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.
Lee
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