My dear friend 1800 miles to the north wrote yesterday on the topic of men staying on Match after they've become involved with someone.
True confession time, and perhaps this is the answer as to why men leave availability open so long on Match. The amount of time I stare out of the window at various women walking across the parking lot is phenomenal. I can’t help wonder if this is normal, and it clearly is not something I discuss with anyone. The number of women I have become “acquainted” with just by watching them walk across the parking lot is staggering. I seem to continually develop a mental list of the attributes I find extremely desirable, and there are very few items on the undesirable list (smoking and obesity are those that come to mind immediately).
Perhaps the primary difference between me and those identified on Match, without removing their availability, is I mention my thoughts to no one other than you, and maybe you do not count, since you have been crawling around in my mind for years. You are so familiar with my thoughts, if an item occurs to me, you are already aware of it.
This man and I have been friends for 25 years. He has a solid, steady life, and has continued to be an incredibly supportive friend across the miles and years through all the vagaries of my life, perhaps doing a little vicarious living through my experiences. My friendship with him is one of my most treasured possessions.
Why is it the best ones are all taken?
3 comments:
The question of generations! Why are the best ones always taken? If I could have a dime for every time someone asked themselves that question I would be wealthy beyond belief. I truly think however that men ask it more than women. True! There must really be something to the old adage, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. So here's the truth. There has been men who have encountered you in their lives when they were already in a relationship, and they thought the grass on your side of the fence was greener than on their side. Think about it.
My Dear Traveler,
I completely agree with you. I think the initial knee-jerk reaction of someone, male or female, who is in an uncomfortable situation is, "If only I could get out of this situation and into a different one, for example that one." I think that reaction is far more common than the "what can I do to fix this" reaction.
And I think we see ourselves differently than others see us. When I got my first divorce, I remember IBM colleagues telling me that what I did was very hard and that I was very courageous. I didn't feel very courageous. I felt like a failure. I felt the hard thing to do would have been to stay and make it work. But it takes two to make a relationship work, and my husband only decided he was interested in making it work after it was irretrievably broken, not while it was in the process of breaking down.
People have looked at my life and expressed to me that I had this terrific life. Well, it's never felt terrific to me. It's felt hard and tumultuous and like I've had enough of this "fun"!
The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but I'd rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship and lonely. As they say - been there, done that. More than once.
Dear Jan, think about this. There is a lot of people out there that think good thoughts about you and they probably smile when they recall some good times you shared together. This friend of 25 years is certainly one of them. Great adventures still await you so, keep your emotional bags packed for the trip. You wouldn't want to be late for the ride! Mr. Right just might be the conductor calling you to board the train.
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