Sunday, December 31, 2017

In the Rearview Mirror: 2017

Today I’m thinking back over the highlights of the year. The year included lots of music and lots of travel.

WARNING: Long post. You may want to grab a cuppa or adult beverage before reading.

MUSIC:

• Tyler and I co-MD’d the “Sondheim in Love” revue at the Youngstown Playhouse. I always love sharing gigs with my younger son - what an honor!

• I played for rehearsals of YSU’s production of “The Impressario” and assisted from the pit for the April performances, which included the incredible Ian LeRoy, conducting from the keyboard, and another opportunity to work with Dr. Steve Gage, whom I love dearly. Make a note of Ian’s name. With his brand new Master’s degree from YSU, he will go far. I fully expect to watch him in a Broadway pit a few years down the road - if that’s the route he chooses to follow.

• This fall I was able to wear my “helper” hat (which I love doing), covering students for one accompanist who was out on medical leave for six weeks, taking her classical voice students through several performances and the National Assn of Teachers of Singing Ohio auditions and Dr. Yun’s studio recital. (I breathed a very large sigh of relief for both Nancy and myself when her treatments were completed and she was back on the piano bench!)

• As soon as Nancy was back, I was asked by two Musical Theatre voice teachers to accompany several of their students for several weeks to get them through their juries (the equivalent of a final exam for applied music students). During this time, another accompanist had emergency surgery and couldn’t play, so I shepherded two of his students through the end of the semester. I adore musical theatre, so - although stressful because of the quantity of music I had to learn and the time pressures - I had a blast learning this music and working with these talented students.

• My “opera kids” staged two great Opera Scenes performances before Thanksgiving. I learned some beautiful music from operas I had never heard before, and loved working with these talented singers. The love these students have showered on me each time we’re together, in class or performance, I will never forget. I love these students (who are just a few years older than my grandchildren) as if they were my own.

• Dr. Misook Yun has my undying love and devotion for emailing me during the summer of 2015 to ask if I might like to accompany her opera program at YSU. That was a life-changing email!!

• My musical year ended by playing background music for a private Christmas party. This is the first party I’ve played in ten years!! Much gratitude to Paul Shanabarger, of the Men’s Garden Club, for hearing me play at the Youngstown Playhouse and envisioning me at their party. He’s already asked me to play for them again in 2018. ❤️

TRAVEL:

• Semester break vacation with five friends to El Dorado Maroma, south of Cancun. This was Jas’s and my first experience with an all-inclusive resort and we’re sold! We’re heading back after the New Year to enjoy the great Karisma experience again.

• In March, we found my maternal half-sister’s paternal half-sister, Marge. I carved the weekend off my spring break and flew to Gloucester, MA, to meet her and to do some genealogical research.

• In late March, I flew to Orlando and attended my 50th high school reunion and was able to spend a little time with my eldest brother. I enjoyed catching up with old friends and renewing acquaintances.

• In early June, my sister and I met in Gloucester - her first visit to the town where our mother spent the first 42 years of her life and where our family tree was planted in 1623. Debbie and her elder daughter, son, and DIL were able to meet Debbie’s sister. After the offspring headed back to Kingston, MA, Debbie and I stayed a few more days,exploring Cape Ann and getting to know Marge.

• In late June, I flew to Albuquerque and spent a couple of days in Santa Fe before heading up to Taos to attend another of Diane Ericson’s “Design Outside the Lines” sewing and creativity workshops. The guest teacher was Valerie Goodwin, an architect and quilter. As always, I left DOL with new perspectives and techniques for my sewing and fiber activities. And a wonderful new friend, Portland sewist Tina Daily. Tina and I will be traveling to Bali together in 2018.

• A few days after returning from Taos, I drove my grandchildren to Interlochen for their second year at Interlochen Arts Camp. While there, I took a three-day Shibori workshop, coming home with more ideas and inspiration. I also spent time with my DIL, who teaches at Interlochen every summer, and with her darling mother and daughter. The highlight of the visit was a drive up to Leland, MI, and dinner at Fishtown.

• Jas and I visited the PacNW in August, spending time with friends in Seattle, Portland, Bend, and Ashland. Before flying out at the end of the week, I was able to meet - for the first time in my life - a relative on my paternal side. Kathy is one of six 2nd cousins that have been identified through Ancestry DNA tests. She lives in a golf community north of Medford, OR. We share our great-grandparents, Nathaniel James Simpson Kelley and Sarah Zanzaline “Sally” Thornton, who lived in middle Tennessee. What an honor!

• The first weekend of December, I took a spur-of-the-moment trip to Orlando to attend an annual party given by and for people who attended Orlando Church School in the 60s. I reconnected with dear friends whom I’ve known all my life, and again was able to spend some precious time with my brother and sister-in-law. In truest southern fashion, I spent the weekend being introduced to new friends as “Jerry’s little sister.”

GRATITUDE:

My deepest gratitude for this year (and always) goes to all my second, third, and fourth cousins who have taken Ancestry, 23andme, or FTDNA tests. Each one I have contacted and who has replied has accepted me with an open heart.

Included in this gratitude pool is genealogical researcher Vickie Jordan Strong, who is my search angel. (Yes, that’s a thing.) Vickie has been holding my hand across the miles as my paternal family tree grows and expands with every new farm family we find. We have found lots of men who are NOT my father. Maybe someday we’ll find THE guy, but along the road, my life is richer for all the people who have touched my life. An adoptee grows up with lots of holes in her soul. My holes are slowing being filled with each contact with Vickie and my cousins.

I wish you all health and happiness in the New Year.

Monday, April 17, 2017

It All Comes Around

I had the most incredible full-circle dream last night and woke feeling all was right with the world.

I've written many times about how wonderful my adoptive father was, how valued he made me feel. I've written a little less often about my adoptive mother. She was a wonderful person, she was just very frequently and very regularly not wonderful to me. My brothers don't see or understand that. No one who knew her as a friend or acquaintance saw that about her. One of Mother's sisters understood what was happening to me at home, how my little adopted self was be turned outside-in, converted into a lost child, but she felt powerless to stop the conversion. And Daddy, as wonderful as he was, worked so many hours establishing and then maintaining his thriving medical practice that he wasn't home enough to realize what was happening to me and to possibly put a stop to it.

I loved and identified with my father. And the cousin I liked the most was one of Daddy's younger brothers' sons, who was closest in age to me. We didn't see each other often, but I felt we "clicked" whenever we were together. I identified with him as I did with Daddy.

In last night's dream, I got a new job. I didn't really understand what my function, my role, was in this company. I worked in an office, a large open space with about fifteen desks and workers placed erratically in a willy-nilly maze within this large space. Our tasks were involved with computers and editing, the two fields in which I was immersed for most of my career. But I felt out of place, as I just couldn't understand what I was supposed to be doing or why I had been hired—out of the blue with no interview. (For many years, I would be contacted by people who had heard of me to come work with them. I was frequently "in the right place at the right time" when it came to jobs. And yet I never was able to escape the feeling of not fitting in.)

So at this new job, I continued to feel I didn't fit in. And then one day, when I was closest to feeling I needed to quit this job because of not fitting in, I realized who the head of the company was. It was my cousin Ronnie. Ron. Suddenly I realized that Ron had somehow heard what my most recent boss had said—that I was the best editor he had worked with in his long academic career. I recognized that this company was not quite thriving and Ron had been looking for someone to help him pull the company back from its doldrums to reach its former glory and potential greatness.

I was wanted. I mattered. I fit in.

Rather than feeling defeated and wanting to quit, I felt valued and motivated. I picked up the company's catalog of publications and started to read about all the books at its core. And my eyes latched onto one book with a nautical title. When I picked it up, I realized it was a history of Gloucester, Massachusetts. My soul's home. The town where all my DNA had come into being. I had the most stunning "aha" moment.

And woke up.

And felt centered. A sense of belonging. A sense that I mattered. That ever-elusive sense of fitting in.

Whatever it is that is not quite working out in my life is going to work out.

Ah, inner peace.


Photo of two Common Terns on the beach in Gloucester, MA. © Kim Smith.

Photo credit: Kim Smith, Gloucester, MA. See more of Kim's stunning work at Kim Smith Designs and on the Good Morning Gloucester website.