Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Displacement

The eeriest part of my cross-country trip was the experience of waking up each morning. I wouldn't know where I was, nor what day it was, nor why I was there or where I was going that day.

It would take me several minutes of concentration to remember where I was. From the "where" I could slowly determine the "when" and the "why."

I'm still in that mode in my new "suite" at the Clarks. The additional challenge here is to remember what time I need to get to the office (8:00), and what time I need to leave the house to arrive at the office at that time (7:00), and what time I need to get butt-out-of-bed to achieve that goal (6:00). When I factor in the fact that I like to read my e-mail in bed before I roll out, that means I must wake at 5:30.

This morning I needed to send out bulletin announcements to several Tucson churches for the April performance of Tucson Chamber Artists. Okay, back the clock up to 5:15.

Now I can understand why I'm fighting sleep as I drive to Akron each morning and why I'm always tired.

I don't love being cold. I want to get out and do things, but the ground is snow-covered and I don't want to schlep things from the car to the house. Inertia takes over. I need to visit the storage unit: where's my bedside clock? where on earth is my thumb drive containing the Pi Phi database? I want to get these cardboard boxes out of my bedroom so it can feel more like a home. And last night when I got home Jaci was folding laundry. Guilt! That's my job. I've only been here two weeks and already I have failed at carrying my share of the load.

And still I sit, paralyzed by the cold and the change and the feeling of so much to do.

Maybe I'll feel warmer when I can get into the garage to find more of my clothes. Maybe once the weather warms up I'll feel more like getting out and taking a load to the recycle facility.

Right now I feel like I'm on a treadmill: wake, prep, drive, work, run errand at lunch, work, drive, eat dinner with family, try to find my life again, fall into bed exhausted. Gotta change this atmosphere! Gotta find my space!

I always want everything to be right, and right now.

1 comment:

Jill said...

Might I suggest a little bit more time for "Jan" - maybe one night every two weeks or so you should stay in Akron. You did move - time for Pi Phi's & some others to perhaps find new help. xo jill