Tyler and I had dinner before attending the Tucson Symphony concert on Friday night. We spent much of the time together talking about my future, the various thoughts I'm having about who and what to be when I grow up. I thought I'd just throw some of the thoughts out in this venue, partially to help me crystallize my thoughts and partially just in case any reader has insight to share.
Where? I think primarily about D.C. and Youngstown, but also about Richmond, VA; Sarasota, FL; Cave Junction, OR; Berkeley Springs, WV; northern CA; Chicago, IL; NYC (okay, that's total fantasy) . . . . I've always enjoyed traveling and would frequently fantasize about towns I visited. I tend to fall in love easily with geography. I've even subscribed to a magazine entitled "International Living"!
The drawback to D.C. is the enormity of salary I'll have to command to be able to move back there and not live in western Loudoun County, VA, or Frederick County, MD, or halfway to Richmond to be able to afford living in the area. The larger the salary, the longer it takes to find a job, so that is intimidating. The longer the commute, the less time I have at home. I don't really want my life to be all about working and driving, so I'm rather half-heartedly putting résumés out and, really, only to jobs I could be really excited about.
I had the babies for a sleepover last night, and Boston started crying that he didn't want to be all grown up before he saw me again. (He was lying on the kitchen floor drawing, and I was astonished to see how long he is. I said, "You're growing so quickly you're going to go to Ohio and be all grown up by the next time I see you.") I then had to spend the next ten minutes consoling him and reassuring him that I would fly up for the weekend a few weeks after they get there, and that his daddy and I would get webcams and he and I could see each other on the computer. Of course, all the while I'm wiping his tears, I'm weeping inside.
That makes me want to be in Youngstown. As much as Tyler tells me they want me to be able to have my own life, those babies are my life. I never knew any of my grandparents. I love being able to empower Ty and Jaci to have adult time when they need or want it, and I love being part of their extended family. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter-in-law — I really don't want a life living all by myself hours and dollars away from my kids.
I saw a program on the Saturday Today show about Vocation Vacations — vacations where you try out a job or career you've thought about to see how it fits. In fact, The Today Show is sponsoring a contest: write an essay and win a Vocation Vacation. But there's nothing on the list that I'm interested in that I haven't done. I've been a programmer, a writer, an editor, a law clerk, a pianist, a dinner theatre musical director, a secretary, a bookkeeper, and run a B&B on a part-time basis. I frequently think about doing B&B again and it's the only vocation on the Vocation Vacation site that I would consider going off and doing for a week or so.
Sometimes I think about playing cocktail piano on a cruise ship. I love to travel and see new places, and people I've known who worked on cruise ships say it's a fabulous way to save money. But I would want to be on a prestigious line — Cunard or Celebrity; definitely not Carnival! (Okay, call me a snob, but I want to be around people like me, not the riff-raff.) However, if I step out of a technical career path again, as I did in 1999 when Steve asked me to move to Tucson with him and told me I'd never have to work again, I do not believe — at age 56 or greater — that I'd be able to get back into the tech world if I got tired of what I was doing. So I need to think and consider very carefully before I leave programming and tech writing.
I'm lucky that I have this opportunity and the freedom to start over if I want; I'm totally overwhelmed by the enormity of opportunities and choices.
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