Things you can't do when you're in a relationship

This morning in the shower I was debating whether or not to shave my legs. (Not won out.) I got to thinking about how I used to get my legs waxed once a month. Simple, neat, clean. No blood, no irritated skin. Slap, whisk, done for another month. Now I find myself checking my stubble several times a day, with hopes of having my legs caressed later on that day. I can't let the stubble grow until it's the requisite quarter-inch long to be whisked off. If Mr. Match calls in the evening and asks if he can come over, I'm likely to drop what I'm doing and race into the bathroom to restore my legs to a caressable state.

So that line of thought brought me to - what else can/do I not do when I'm in a relationship.

The obvious is makeup and hair on Sunday morning. Every other morning, I don't feel human until I've showered, washed and dried my hair and applied makeup. Sunday mornings I tend to stay in my jammies, unwashed and hair all over my head until 10:00 or so. Now, with the hope I'll get some face time, I'm ready much earlier. That way, if I get a quick phone call inviting me to brunch, I'm ready to go.

Personal grooming aside, there's the trolling-for-men action. When I'm in a relationship, I don't look left or right. Mind you, I don't mind my fella looking around and even commenting on the competition. So long as I'm by his side, and I'm the one he's commenting to, why should I care? I've got the best — they can have the rest. But when I'm not in a relationship, I'm keenly aware, 24x7, that I've got a hole in my life. I make it a point to walk to the cafeteria once or twice a week, and I scope out every man I pass — is he tall, is he nice looking, does he dress decently, is he wearing a wedding ring, did he even notice me? In the cafeteria, I sit alone at a table near the route to the exit. I work my crossword puzzle, eat my sandwich, and glance up fetchingly to scope out every wedding-band-less man who walks by. Of course, I take no action. Even if I noticed a man who met all the listed criteria, I wouldn't do a stinking thing about it. I might hope that he would turn around and catch up with me and strike up a conversation. But that never happens, so what's the point?

So is that why I, why we, all end up online, scoping out all the available singles, sorting through all the fish? Even if they don't respond to my winks, I know (or at least believe) they're there for a purpose. Hopefully that purpose is the same as mine: to find someone with whom to spend time, or establish a life.