Children / No Children

I have often thought that it would be difficult for someone with children, or at least someone who is close to her children, to date someone who had never had children. The reasoning is similar to why I will no longer visit a male gynecologist: he has never experienced many of the life experiences I've experienced; how can he understand or appreciate how I feel about them?

Maybe my thinking is too simplistic. Maybe having grandchildren versus not having grandchildren is no different than having a dog versus having a cat or an Acura versus a Chrysler.

I adore my grandchildren — everyone who knows me knows that about me. And I will willingly, if not gladly, endure great sacrifice to see my sons and DIL succeed and live well (within reason).

But how many men who have not experienced fatherhood will smile kindly when their woman breaks a date or causes other strain on the relationship in honor of her bond to her children? When I see and consider establishing communication with a man who is potentially a good match in all other areas, I pause when I see he has no children. I assume that, if presented with hardship to the relationship caused by my connection to my children, he would split or, at the very least, feel less positively about me than he had previous to the hardship.

The man from El Paso with whom I was involved last year had no children. At some point he told me that one of the factors that had drawn him to me was the fact that I was such an active grandma. He viewed that as indicative of my propensity to compassion or caregiving or ability to dispense tender loving care. He saw it not as a threat but as an added asset.

Mr. Match and I had tentative plans for Sunday afternoon when I learned that my services were needed with my grands. I mentioned this to him, and his immediate response was, "Family comes first." Now there's a man who gets it.