Deciding What One Wants

I have [again] hidden my profile on Match. A feature offered by Match that the other sites don't offer is "Who's viewed me". I find it highly addictive to run over there to see who's looked at my profile. And no matter whether there was anybody new who had looked at me the last time I was over there, pretty soon I'm gonna run over there again just to see if anybody's lookin' at me. To that end, I find it a big waste of time.

I think I found what I want. I'm just waiting around for him to decide I'm what he wants (or not). While I'm waiting, there are plenty of better ways to spend my time than crewsin' guys on Match. The guys that are out there are either not interesting to me or, if they're interesting, I already winked at them and they didn't respond. My side of the ocean is pretty empty.

But then maybe I'm just innocent or naive. In an e-mail I receive by subscription each day, I followed a link to an online dating site I had never heard of. OMG. I'm comfortable with men seeking women and vice versa. Because of the people with whom I've associated in my musical life, I'm also comfortable with men seeking men and women seeking women. But on this site, there were lots of other options one could choose. (No, I'm not talking about sheep!) I looked for a moment, then quickly closed my browser before anyone could figure out I'd been there. I guess maybe there are lifestyles about which I'd rather not know.

I mentioned about a month ago that, if I were looking for some sort of alternative lifestyle or no-strings-attached physicality or whatever, the Internet would absolutely not be the place I'd go to try to find it.

But back to my search for a traditional lifestyle: Each time my relationship-of-the-moment ends, I think, "Not going there (online) again. Just going to let it happen naturally." And after six or eight weeks of no dates and no prospects for date, I go there again.

Maybe in this day and age, the Internet is how things happen naturally. I will always hope that isn't so, but may have to concede that it is.