Roller Coasters

When I'm in a relationship that is just getting established, when we're figuring out where this thing is going, I am prone to serious emotional roller coaster rides. I'm curious about whether I'm the only person who does this, if it's an inherently female thing, or if all singles, trying to find that special someone to incorporate into their life, suffer from this malady.

When the man-of-the-moment says something indicative of the possibility of a future together, I am elated. I start weighing that possibility, envisioning social events or living situations or shared occasions. I look for pros and cons, positives and negatives. I am thrilled that he wants me, that he likes me enough to consider a future that includes me. (Ding ding - notice the Little Adoptee rearing her ugly head here — I don't have the authority to make choices on my own, but must wait to be chosen.)

And when he puts the brakes on, however momentarily, I am plunged into the depths. I immediately believe he's going to find someone else to decorate his life. I start trying to figure out what I'm going to do next: swear off men, go back on Match, give up on online dating and wait for the fates or the universe or whomever to drop someone onto my radar screen, move to the mountains of North Carolina and find some hillbilly to hang out with? I truly drive myself crazy.

<shoutout on>
And here I salute my friend of 25 years' duration 1800 miles to the north who lets me rant and rave when I'm driving myself crazy. He quietly reads my e-mails, ponders them and writes thoughtful and incisive replies, and reassures me that any man would be lucky to be a part of my life. I'm blessed to have such enduring and true friends.
<shoutout off>

I think the biggest challenge for me, in developing a relationship, is to be more status quo, more on an even plane and less subject to running like the wind to the edge of my sanity when something is said.

I want the man in my life to feel he can say anything to me, that he can be completely open and brutally honest. That's how Mr. Match is treating me right now, and I think I have the ability to thrive in this environment. If I can just get off this damned roller coaster.