I've been enjoying this blog enormously. Thoughts pop into my mind throughout the day, thoughts of new topics or points that need to be made. The six weeks since I've started blogging have been greatly creative for me — a fun way to spend a summer.
Yesterday I was thinking about the concept of "you get back what you put in", sort of "you get what you pay for" but without the negative connotations. I was thinking about profiles I've read in the past where I thought, "what exactly did he think he was going to attract with that profile?" I was going to get on my high horse and talk about carefully crafting a profile to show clearly what kind of person you are and what kind of person you wish to attract.
So I ran over to Match and to Yahoo Personals to cut-and-paste some of the better examples of poor craftsmanship. And I couldn't find any! Maybe all the men with poorly written profiles have given up for lack of interest. Or maybe I've hidden their profiles so I didn't have to read them.
I think things are looking up! Men are being more introspective, more thoughtful. That doesn't mean there are more of them out there, but maybe that the ones who are out there are higher quality (she says with a wink).
Oh yes, there are other places one can post profiles, and some of those are less than stellar. I leave you tonight with one I saw on tucson.craigslist.com today. But before I shut up and let you read, I have to ask, "Do you think he's trying to get nominated for 'Best of Craig's List' or do you think he's really serious?" And my other comment is that there are things on this list that I don't even KNOW what they are! Is this 45yo man a male chauvinist pig, or is he just stoopid?
Enjoy!
My perfect woman:
1. Height - Over 5ft but less than 6ft tall
2. Weight – Must be proportional as I’m not into BBW but prefer the racing models like BMW
3. Breasts – They must be real, size doesn’t matter but the shape does
4. Butt – I prefer the J-Lo backend so that excludes most Asian women
5. Muffin Top – You don’t have one
6. Posture – You don’t walk, talk and chew tobacco like a man
7. Grooming – I’m not into the Hollywood look. Keep it short and tidy
8. Attire – You’re not a slave to fashion and you don’t wear “mom” jeans
8. Teeth – You floss and brush daily, don’t bite and you see a dentist on a regular basis
9. Eyes – You’re not afraid to look at someone else’s
10. Piercing – Nipples, genitals and tongue are all off limits
11. Tattoos – Something small and concealed can be sexy. If you have one on your lower back I’m more apt to use it as a target
12. Gum Chewing – Not even if you can walk and talk at the same time
13. Awesome lips – Just for kissing and any other oral pleasures
14. Smells good – You ladies know what I mean
15. Hygiene – Slightly obsessed. A woman can never be too clean where it counts
16. Animal lover – This doesn’t imply bestiality
17. Ambitions – You are beyond being a player and finding a man to make your life easier
18. Motivated/Initiative – You go after the things you want and desire
19. High Self Esteem – You look in the mirror and like what you see
20. Father – You know him and have a great relationship with him. How else could you ever begin to understand the way a man thinks?
21. Mother – I’ll want to meet her ASAP so I’ll know what you’ll be like in the future
22. Neatness - Likes a tidy house as I’m a bit of neat freak
23. Educated - You can spell and formulate grammatical sentences. You have read the book “Men are from Mars and Women are from…”. You know how to balance YOUR checkbook
24. Sense of Humor – You don’t point and laugh
25. Religion – I don’t care as long as it hasn’t made you sexually inhibited
26. Passionate – You want a relationship and are willing to work at it
27. Tolerant – I’m not perfect and neither are you but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together
28. Non-smoker – I’m not 420 friendly! NO EXCEPTIONS!
29. Drugs – Off limits to you. This includes legal pharmaceuticals unless prescribed by YOUR doctor
30. Drink Socially – Of course. Does this really need an explanation?
31. Personality – You’re not bipolar, narcissistic, schizophrenic, paranoid, bulimic, anorexic, chronically depressed, autistic or sexually addicted to anyone except me.
32. Art – You don’t have a need to redecorate my humble abode as it’s the way it is by my design
33. Pink – You don’t own this crayon
34. Creative thinker – You don’t need me telling you what to wear, how to run your life or make decisions for you
35. Job – You have one but don’t consider it a career
36. Laid-back – Not a drama queen. Very rare for most women?
37. Fun – You like being with me more than your friends
38. X – He’s not crazy. I don’t want to hear how many times you’ve been stalked
39. X – Pays child support if you have non emancipated children
40. Abode – You don’t live with your X, your mama, your brother, uncle, aunt, cousin, etc. Sexy girlfriend is permissible
41. Criminal Record – I really don’t care as I’m anti big brother
42. Sex – Not as in gender. You put out, love it and don’t have more hang-ups than conquests. You know how to satisfy yourself
43. Fluffing – You know this has nothing to do with your hair
44. Tacos & Clams – I love diving for them but we all know you can’t dive alone. Want to be my dive partner?
45. Toys – You still enjoying playing with them, sharing them and receiving them as gifts
46. PMS – Just accept it and deal with it. Please don’t claim you’re not affected by it. This implies you’re either premenstrual or post menopausal. (See “Age” below)
47. Age – It’s just a number and has nothing to do with maturity. Let’s keep it legal though so somewhere between 18 and 50
48. You agree - Sex is to a man what talking is to a woman. So no talking on at least the first date! Don’t even try and sneak in a whisper at the door when we go our separate ways.
As you can see I’m not too picky. If this describes you, shoot me an email and we can chat. All emails with attached HOT photo will be replied to.
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