How Many Friends Does One Girl Need?

My musical friend Lissa shared with me the music to the show "Closer Than Ever." I laugh every time I listen to the song "You Want to Be My Friend?". So in my hyper-busy and preoccupied mode, and wanting to give you something to read today, I've given you the lyrics to this inspired song. (I apologize for the caps. Here's the code: Text in mixed case below is spoken; text in all-caps is sung.)

Enjoy! I'm off to Scottsdale in a couple of hours to play sixteen show tunes for eight voice students. I'll be back tomorrow evening after getting my Nordstrom fix and attending a Pi Phi tea at Tohono Chul Park.

Enjoy!

You Want To Be My Friend?
MAN
YOU'RE SO GOOD
YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME YOU ARE
YOU'RE THE BEST DAMNED PERSON
I HAVE KNOWN BY FAR
IF I COULD,
YOU KNOW I'D NEVER THROW THIS CURVE
YOU'RE A GODDESS
AND I'M NOT WHAT YOU DESERVE
WHAT I AM SAYING IS
OUR THING MUST END
BUT THOUGH IT MUST
I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND

WOMAN
Friend? Friend?
YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND?
YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND?
OH, THAT'S NICE
YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND

I HAVE FRIENDS I KNOW FROM COLLEGE
HIGH SCHOOL PALS THAT I STILL SEE
I HAVE SISTERS IN SOROR'TIES
'CROSS THE COUNTRY FOND OF ME
TWO CHUMS THAT DATE FROM GRADE SCHOOL
ONE WHOLE FAM'LY FROM ST. PAUL
THERE ARE KIDS I KNOW FROM SUMMER CAMP WHO STILL GIVE ME A CALL
I HAVE FRIENDS FROM WHEN I LIVED IN PARIS
AND MY SINGLES CRUISE
I HAVE FIVE OLD BOYFRIENDS WHO STILL CALL ME UP TO SCHMOOZE
I HAVE BUDDIES FROM THE LAB IN BOSTON
COLLEAGUES FROM THE ZOO
I'VE GOT AN AUNT IN CLEVELAND
THAT I ALWAYS CAN TURN TO

I GOT ENOUGH FRIENDS!!!

MAN
(Perhaps I should be going)

WOMAN
You stay right there.

YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND
YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND
WELL I'M TOUCHED
YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND

I WANT A LOVER AND A HUSBAND
AND A PARTNER AND A SPOUSE
I WANT SOMEONE TO SPLIT EXPENSES WITH ME
ON A SUMMER HOUSE

I WANT A FATHER FOR MY UNBORN CHILDREN
SOMEONE WHO'S IN TUNE
AND SINCE I'LL BE THIRTY-NINE NEXT MONTH
I WANT HIM RATHER SOON
I WANT SOMEONE TO BUY RUGS AND LAMPS WITH
SOMEONE WHO'LL CO-SIGN
I WANT A SMALL JOINT BANK ACCOUNT
IN HIS NAME AND IN MINE

I NEED SOMEONE I CAN FIGHT WITH
LEARN TO COOK WITH
LOVE TO FEED
COME TO THINK OF IT
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT I DO NOT NEED

I DON'T NEED ANOTHER FRIEND!!!

MAN 2
(I really should be going ...)

You stay right there!
(You're right, I deserve this you're such
a wonderful person and I'm such a...)

I DON'T NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU I'M PERFECT
THEN END UP ALL WET
I AM TIRED OF BEING THE GREATEST GIRL
A MAN HAS EVER MET
(But I don't want to make a commitment to you)
HA! CAN'T YOU SEE?
YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL THE TRUTH, OH NO
YOU JUST WANT OUT FROM ME
YES, I KNOW INSIDE YOU'RE FRAGILE
YES, YOU'RE MOTHER WAS A MESS
IF THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T RECEIVE A WOMAN'S LOVE
I COULD CARE LESS.
I DON'T NEED TO KNOW IT'S YOUR FAULT
HAVE SOME BALLS
IT DOESN'T FIT
YOU'RE NOT SICK, DEPRIVED, MISUNDERSTOOD OR WEAK
YOU'RE JUST A SHIT!
AND YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND
WHO'D WANT YOU AS A FRIEND?

Is my name on this lease?
Huh?
Is my name on this lease?
Yeah.

Then get out of my apartment!!