Dos and Don'ts; Wills and Won'ts

When you meet someone new—and things are going well—you wonder how to ask the right questions to determine compatibility, or to determine if you have a chance at a long-term relationship.

Some of the attributes that come to mind are:

• Over or under?


• Seat up or seat down?


• Drain dry or wipe? (Dishes, People. Dishes!)


• Make the bed every morning, or leave it rumpled?


• Open the shades or leave the room dark?

The Jazzman broached the subject of over or under first, and we simultaneously said "over". I would have been happy with "replace the roll". I've known too many men who just leave the empty core in place, stranding the next occupant of the royal throne.

Seat up or down? If you're going to worry about the position the last occupant left the seat, you've got far bigger problems in the relationship than the position of the seat! I'm just so happy to have a man around to use the toilet, I don't care in what state it is abandoned. Really! Did he flush? Woo hoo!

Let the dishes air dry? Fine, unless you have a topic you want to discuss or a story you want to tell. Then pick up the dishtowel and let's work together to clean up the kitchen. Otherwise, why do you think God invented air? To dry the dishes!

Make the bed? I like crawling into a made bed at night, but I've been known to leave it rumpled when I'm in a hurry or feeling rebellious. To find a man who will grab his side of the sheet and help you make the bed? That, my friends, is heaven.

Open the shades? I like light in a room. I only leave my bedroom shades down because I usually get home after dark and don't want passers-by to know whether I'm home or not. Too much dark depresses me. Again, to find a man who reaches over and opens the shades to let the light in? Heaven!

I wonder if my attitude is the typical attitude of a widow, and completely different for an over-50 single person who is only experienced with divorces and the accompanying recriminations and anger.

Maybe my attitude is borne of my last long-term relationship—four years with a complete.and.utter.slob. Or the years with the Mormon husband who said, "The outside of the house is mine; the inside of the house is yours." He meant it. Totally. Wash a dish? Make a bed? Nope. Unh uh. Not gonna happen. You remember the story about …. Oh, never mind. He's someone else's problem now. Whew!

I think, with the Jazzman, I made sure he knew early on that I was allergic to tobacco and, especially, cigars. I think I also mentioned issues in the past with excessive drinking. (No, not mine.) I don't think I really got into all the little checklists that single people do when they start dating again. I think I figured things would work themselves out. Boy, have they!

I do think that I'm incredibly lucky in finding a man with whom I'm so completely and easily compatible.

And who is so damned much fun!