I'm reading "An American Wife." It's not great literature, but it's enjoyable. It passes the miles. I was under the oh-so-mistaken impression that it was inspired by the life of Hillary Clinton. As I listened to more and more chapters, I couldn't see Hillary in the book at all. Finally I looked up the description again and realized it was inspired by the life of Laura Bush. Big difference!!
At one point early in her marriage, the protagonist talks about how little we know of each other as people, how little we talk about the things in our lives to people not intimately connected with our lives.
That made me think about the Internet and blogging and how much of ourselves several thousand people place on the Internet on a daily basis.
I've said things on this blog that I would probably never say in a face-to-face conversation. Part of that is that we are all so rushed, we never just sit down and verbally share our lives. We have meetings. We talk about logistics. But would you ever ask me whether I still miss John? (The answer is yes—daily.) Would I ever ask you what part of your life you would change if you could? No, it's too personal. We are taught, I believe, that to respect someone means to keep him or her at arms' length.
I have a best friend. She's been my best friend since second grade. She was my maid of honor at my first wedding. But we hardly know each other any more. When she was going through the rending of her third marriage, she withdrew farther and farther inside herself as a way to survive, and our friendship suffered. Of course, she probably has her own explanation for what happened, but I'll never know what that explanation is. I don't feel I can ask.
My other best friend, whom I've known ten fewer years than my first best friend, has grown to be much more connected with me over the years. She was my maid of honor at my second wedding. She played for my first wedding; I think I played for several of her weddings. We plan an annual trip, and we communicate frequently as we gear up for that trip. Those travel communications encourage us to share the other things that are going on in our lives. She knows how lonely I get. She knows how I long for someone to hold hands with as I fall asleep. She knows that I don't like to cook. She knows that I'm ambivalent about my relationship with my mother. She knows that I hate my crepey neck and décolleté. I know that she's worried about the economy and the fact that she still, at our age, has two more kids to put through college. I listen while she talks. She listens while I talk.
There's nothing we won't ask or say to each other. Isn't that the true definition of friend?
What would the world be like if we were all as open, face-to-face, as we are in writing to the unnamed masses in cyberspace? Or as PianoLady and I are with each other?
1 comment:
Ah, but on the other side of that, we can much more easily present an idealized version of ourselves online. (For instance, I do not really have a doctorate in being awesome. Sssssh!)
For every step in one direction, there's another step in some other direction. Sometimes it's as simple and direct as a plus versus a minus. Sometimes it's a step up versus a step....left!
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