What State Am I In?
Physically, I reside in the state of Arizona. Emotionally I'm somewhere between Arizona and D.C. and Ohio. But really, I'm in the state of confusion.
How can I expect any man to be seriously interested in me if I'm so conflicted about who I am and what I want to be when I grow up?
4 comments:
I have been reading this for awhile now. You seem to like the confusion and uncertainty. To change this, you need to change your thinking and how you present yourself. Think higher of yourself. Expect higher of other people. You will not have better if you don't expect better.
Are you hinting around for a GPS unit for Christmas?
Traveler
The other post is not from me.
On one of the ESPN sports talk shows they have a weekly "Just Shut Up!" award. Listeners e-mail the hosts with their votes from the selected group of sports figures who are deemed to deserve the award based on what's been spouted out of their mouths during the past week. This week I nominate YOU for the award.
I, and others do LIKE you. As you know, the more you like/love yourself, the more others will, too. So for now, just enjoy what you have, and through that you will help discover your ever-evolving self. Good for YOU - it's a never ending process.
- Kayaker
K/H - thanks for coming to my rescue. I was very disturbed by this comment. My first instinct was to just pull the blog down and crawl into a hole. But when the Gardener and I talked about it last night, he said I should try to find out more about what the writer meant.
I'm certain the writer is not someone who knows me personally. Anyone — ANYONE — who knows me well knows that I adore my children - I try to treat my DIL with the utmost respect and consider her my daughter rather than my DIL. And my grands - well, they hung the moon. My current state of confusion arises from my attempts to balance the needs of my children with my own desires.
Even you, the Kayaker, who has no children, understands, appreciates, and accepts how I feel about my kids.
And regarding expectations. That post came directly from a Sunday morning conversation with the Gardener when I was telling him I want more, and he was acknowledging that he knew that about me. And we both acknowledge that, while I am up in the air about where I'm going to be living twelve months from now, he (or any man with whom I become involved during this time period) is going to be very slow to commit or fall in love or whatever when he might just get tossed by the wayside in twelve months. Really, would you buy a car you knew was going to fall apart in three months? Would you adopt a dog (no, I'm not a dog!) if you knew it was going to die in four months? Can you follow the analogy? As much as I am enjoying this r'ship, and as fond as I am of the Gardener - and growing more so with each passing day (and no, I haven't said that to him -- maybe he won't read this comment) - knowing his hesitancy to commit and have his heart broken yet again, I cannot expect him to open up his heart to me when he knows I'm considering moving away from Tucson.
I don't enjoy living in the state of confusion, and that comment came across as rather cruel. But my kids will be the first to tell you I take everything waaaay to personally. I guess those with thin skin shouldn't try living in cyberspace.
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