Conclusions, Confusions, and Stereotypes

The Gardener and I are dancing around how to categorize what we've got goin' on. I told him last night that I had serious questions about getting involved with someone who still has teenagers in and out of the house.

I don't have great step-whatever history. The most egregious example is the 16yo learning-disabled stepson who threatened to shoot me if I told him to pick up his dirty clothes off the floor. A much less horrifying example is the 19yo stepdaughter who called us almost every day on our five-day honeymoon and then secreted her dad in her room for over an hour as we walked in the door from that trip.

When John broke up with me the first time around, part of the issue (which he only told me about later) was the fact that Tyler had just come to live with me/us. He had raised his teenagers himself, had had significant challenges with his son, and simply didn't want to have to live through a similar situation again. After we got back together, John grew to love Tyler deeply and would do everything in his power to help "El Tigre" wherever needed.

As we were talking last night, the Gardener said, "But you haven't met [insert name of 16yo son]." I countered, "well, I've seen him." I.e. I know he exists; he knows I exist.

But as I thought about this interchange after I got home last night, I came to think that maybe what the Gardener was saying was, "They're not all alike. All 16yo's are not alike." I never had a moment's trouble from Tyler during all the time he lived with me. I had trouble with a 16yo learning-disabled kid who would have given anybody trouble.

Maybe I need to stop with the conclusion-jumping.