They changed all the rules

Somewhere between when I started dating as a teenager and now, somebody in the universe changed all the dating rules. Dating is hard enough when you know what's expected of you, but to try to navigate the waters of Getting To Know You while trying to figure out how to operate the boat; well, it's doubly difficult.

<Boring Historical Data - feel free to skip this paragraph>
I married when I was 21 and divorced when I was 31; met husband #2 less than a year later and remarried when I was 33, divorcing at 38. Met John six weeks later, moved in with him after knowing him about 3-4 months, and spent two wonderful years with him until he felt someone else needed him more than I. Met Emotionally-Unavailable-But-Crazy-About-Me Emil a couple of months later and "went steady" with him for about a year. (Maybe I'll devote a future post to coining new phrases for all those stages-of-dating labels from high school.) Met husband #3 about four months later and remarried when I was 42-1/2, divorcing when I was 45. (Do you see the pattern: 10/5/2.5/. . . ?) The very day John heard #3 and I had separated, he started calling daily and multiple times each day and didn't stop for six months until I was under his roof again. We married when I was 46 and he died when I was 48. I met Evil-Ex-Fiancé-From-Hell just over a year later and spent four traumatic years with him. It took me two years to recover from the unexpected blessing-in-disguise of his dumping me with no notice, and just in the past six months have I felt like I was human again. (And here I salute my son Tyler and DIL Jaci for lavishing so much loving care on me for those two years to help me recover.)
<End of Boring Historical Data>

So the point of all that is to say that I feel like I've been married forever. (When sharing stories with new acquaintances, I always laughingly say I was married for 20 years, it just took me four tries to get them all in.) And when being partnered with a significant other is the only way you know how to live, it's hard to meet someone, feel instant rapport and a chemical explosion, and then figure out how to "date" when the "I know how to do this" part of your brain wants to move directly into a monogamous, committed relationship.

Mr. Match and I have seen each other 16 out of the 20 days we've known each other (but who's counting?). If we were in high school or college, that would be the equivalent of having known each other about three or four months. But we're adults, and we already had busy lives before meeting each other, and now we have to figure out how to balance all our other activities while feeding the desire to spend time with and get to know this new person.

There's something about this relationship, this time, that lets me feel comfortable and secure. (Yes, he has been allowed/forgiven his "all the fish in the net" comment.) The togetherness vs. apartness feels good. I was sick yesterday afternoon/evening, and Mr. Match wisely suggested we skip getting together last night. And that felt fine. It feels like — with this thoughtful, self-secure, mature man — I might have a partner in decoding the new rules and determining how to build a strong relationship.

Somebody please slap Cramer's button that plays four measures of the "Hallelujah Chorus".