Strong men, strong women

Let's talk about men and their need to be the rescuer, the savior, the knight on the white charger.

Do all men need to have a "little woman", a woman who relies on him, who is not a survivor on her own? Am I still alone merely because I'm a survivor? Is the ever-increasing population of single women over age 50 a measure of the hardship we have endured? Am I loathe to settle for a man who cannot hold his own with me? I do know about myself that I would rather be alone than with someone for whom I hold minimal respect.

I am needy at times. Or more than that, I like to have someone to bounce ideas off, to help me make decisions. Mr. Match helped me buy new faucets yesterday. He's quite handy around the house and he looks at things like faucets and broken air conditioners from a different perspective than I. I value his input and his opinion. I'm not sure that's an indication of neediness on my part. I choose to believe that shows I'm smart enough to realize I don't know everything!

The therapist who helped me through my 30s labeled me counterdependent rather than codependent. She said I tended to refuse to rely on anyone, knowing that at least I wouldn't let myself down.

Do men over 50 seek women under 45 because those women look up to them as older, stronger, wiser, rather than as peers on an equal footing?

This whole line of thought came out of Mr. Match's continuing interactions with younger ex-fiancé who commutes to work in another city and has no friends in Tucson. He is kind to her. I fear he is being manipulated and can't see it for the good feelings he gets from being such a good guy. But then that's just my opinion, and it's strongly influenced by my having lived through a similar–if not identical–situation with my Good Husband (before he was my husband) 15 years ago (and having lost that man I loved so dearly to someone who didn't want him–just didn't want me to have him).

I do know that I don't respect a man I can push around, so Mr. Match is on his own with this one. I will be a sounding board. I will be patient, as he asks. I will not offer advice and I absolutely will not tell him he needs to nip anything in the bud. Why?: A) Because it's none of my business, and B) because I would be the only loser if I were to do so.