Soul Mates — Myth or Fact?

I have said for a number of years that I don't believe in the concept of soul mate. But my definition of soul mate might be different than others'. I have defined soul mate as one person that is meant to be with you and you for him/her for your entire life. She who has been married four times and had countless other "significant" relationships would understandably discount the concept of "only one".

Dr. Laura Berman's enewsletter this morning contains a different definition:

Soul mates are people who change your life and the way you live it going forward. They fulfill a need for connection, which may be different at various times in your life. It's also important to remember that soul mates are not limited to romantic relationships. They can be a friend or family member — anyone with whom you feel an unexplained connection or sense of completeness.

By waiting for a person who feels right — one you have a deep spiritual and sexual connection with — you give love the best chance of all. But it's equally as important to celebrate all your relationships for what they've taught you and what they still have to teach you. Remember to enjoy the journey.

I'm assuming by "the way you live it going forward", Dr. Berman means in a positive manner. So those men who made me say, "I'm never going there again" would not be considered soul mates. Puhhhlease!

My life with John made me want people to be kind to each other. There was a lot of criticism during his illness from people who thought they knew better how to deal with the illness. They weren't living with it 24x7; they didn't fully understand what we were going through and had no right to criticize our management style. Likewise my time with Steve reinforced that sense. But with Steve, the need for kindness came out of his nastiness. Those were very different experiences. My time with John was positive while the time with Steve was negative. But the result was the same: a mantra of "Kindness spoken here."

But I reiterate that I'm not looking for a soul mate. I'm just looking for a good man who recognizes quality when he sees it and who thinks our lives would be better together than they are apart.