Trust

Thinking more this morning — as I gaze out on Times Square and all the activity that defines New York City — about women in their 50s and 60s trying to find and attract Mr. Right.

I spoke with my sister-in-law this morning, who, along with my brother, is in the mountains of North Carolina to visit my mother at the mountain cottage and enjoy the fall leaves. I had e-mailed her two days ago about my change in plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I would not be traveling with Mr. Match to D.C. for Thanksgiving and to North Carolina for Christmas. She asked what happened to this relationship where he had told me he loved me and we were looking at the property in NC with the thought of someday having a vacation or retirement cottage there. I said he wanted to sample all available "properties" before settling into a committed relationship with me. I told her he had never taken his profile down and had gone out on a date with another woman he saw on Match. In her matter-of-fact manner, she quickly retorted, "if a man is in love with you, he's not looking for anybody else." Leave it to Molly to cut to the chase!

So thinking about that statement, I look around me at women and try to assess whether they're married (and letting themselves go) or single (and desperately trying to stay in shape and look good). I've thought in the past that it must be difficult for married women, who are enjoying being able to relax from the constant struggle to stay spiffed-up, to be continually faced with the single women who are hungrily applying make-up and coloring their hair and spending hours every week at the gym. Does it force them to try harder to maintain their husbands' interest?

I'm reminded of a woman I know in Tucson. Her husband suggested several years ago that maybe it was time for a divorce. About a year later she started dressing less frumpily, and they're still married. Not sure that one fact is related to the other, but it makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Anyway, if you draw this line of "frumpy vs. fashionable" thinking back to Molly's statement, then if the man truly loves the woman and is committed to her and their life, he's not going to be looking around. He might enjoy the vision of we older women working so hard to remain competitive, but he's not going to be sampling any of the candy in the store.

And again, regarding Mr. Match, we come back to "he's just not that into you."