I was thinking yesterday about learning from relationships. I spoke of relationships as building blocks in the house of life. Even the ones that aren't truly building blocks can be learning experiences — mortar-mixing, if you want to extend the analogy.
Many of my relationships over the past three years have been about learning to stand up for my needs and rights, stating unequivocally what behavior I will not tolerate. But even with a statement of "this ain't workin' for me", there can be negotiation and, at the very least, understanding.
So how come the recent Mr.-Three-Month candidates have been willing to just let it go with no further discussion and no negotiation or understanding? No fighting for what they want? There was the guy from El Paso. I told him he needed to get his eyebrows trimmed and get a good haircut. He responded that I was rude and I never heard from him again. He had professed undying love for me, and my statement that his eyebrows stabbed me when we kissed was enough to throw all that away? And Mr. Match. I told him he needed to go figure out what he wanted and let me know if I was part of that plan. Immediate cessation of communication. I guess he's still figuring. Oh, and the Lemonade Tycoon who informed me via e-mail that he didn't want what I wanted. Excuse me, but without some extended conversations about the meaning of life, I don't think you really know what I want. How dare you presume, make unilateral decisions, and inform me via e-mail. You wanna discuss rude? That's far more rude than giving grooming tips!
While there are times I think "closure" is just a theory to keep people in therapy longer, there is something to knowing it's over, to not having the contrails of the relationship just hanging out there in the sky.
Regarding all three of these candidates, I think I have to go back to quoting Greg Behrendt: "He's just not that into you."
Ho hum. Where is He?! Where is that man who is grown-up enough to want a good relationship with a quality woman?
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