The Year of Magical Thinking

This morning I finished listening to Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking". I do not have enough laudatory words in my vocabulary to recommend this book: beautifully, powerfully written; sensitively narrated in the audiobook; full of wisdom and insight and gentleness.

Didion's "Year" chronicles the year that began with the sudden death of her husband, the author John Gregory Dunne, from a heart attack as they sat at the dinner table. At the time of his death, their daughter lay in a hospital bed, her doctors uncertain of her future. The "magical thinking" is the tricks we, as those left behind, play to try to trick our loved ones into coming back, or trick ourselves into being able to live without them.

I could barely finish this book without crying. It reminded me of things I wished I had done differently during the last three months of John's life. For instance, he wanted to have the television playing all the time, but I thought having classical music (which he loved) playing instead of all that jangling, yappy talk on the television would be better for him. WTF? The man was dying and there was nothing either he or I could have done about it. Why didn't I just leave the damned television on? Why didn't I have the courage to say to his daughter, "Stop being self-centered. When you say you're going to be here at a certain time, be here or don't come!" Why didn't I just quit my job to care for him instead of trying to balance everything?

If you have lost a loved one, if someone in your sphere of loved ones is seriously ill or walking around with a damaged heart, if you're just curious about the grieving process, or if you just want to read some brilliant writing, get a copy of "The Year of Magical Thinking" and settle in for a wonderful read.