Despite my morning "TGIF" tweet, I only like Fridays through about 4:00 p.m. After that, the air around me is filled with the sounds of people making plans with their sweethearts and families, and I am reminded of my singleness.
It makes me miss the Gardener, when he was sans une fille, and I could call him. He'd put the top down on the Z3 and zip down Campbell to take me to dinner. We'd hang out at the bar at Rio for an hour-and-a-half over my glass of Excelsior Chard and a couple of draughts of Sam for him, shooting the breeze with everyone who walked in, solving the world's problems. Or my Friday Girls' Night Out bunch who would share appetizers and wine at whatever Tucson restaurant had the best half price appetizers for Happy Hour.
If I had to live without a love interest in my life, at least I had my friends.
Lest I sound like my gratuitary gland is on the fritz, let me be clear that I am grateful from my painted toenails to my highlighted split ends for my children, who have taken me in and given me a roof over my head and constant encouragement. But I do not necessarily feel I am living my life. I feel I'm living an annex to their lovely life, just as I'm living in an annex to their lovely home.
I told Ty and Jaci over dinner the other night that I felt bad to keep borrowing their friends. I feel like I need to make my own friends. That's part of my scheme to see if I can get a part-time job teaching writing at the university. At the very least, I would expand my circle of acquaintances.
Tyler and Jaci both scoffed at me. "That's what community is. That's why you're part of a community, of this community."
I've met two delightful women over the past week who have become my friends in all the ways that matter nowadays—blogs, Twitter, Facebook—and I'm quite taken with these women who are startlingly bright and hilariously funny. Conversing with them makes me feel bright and funny. And yet they're my children's friends and my children's ages. I feel like I should ask these women if they have mothers who are as bright and funny as they and who are looking for a nice friend who's new to town. But I don't want a random friend. I want a friend I am drawn to, someone I have interests in common with, someone who gains from her friendship with me as I do from mine with her.
So it's Friday night, and I didn't say, "Love ya, Bye" to anyone on the phone today. And yet two beautiful children just clapped their hands at the news that it was Friday night and they get to sleep with Grandma tonight.
I would be willing to bet there are thousands of grandparents who are either physically or emotionally estranged from their grandchildren who would kill to be living my life right now.
I do have a love interest in my life. Two of them, in fact. It's just not romantic love.
Friday night isn't so bad.
3 comments:
I cried at the end of this post, and I agree with Tyler and Jaci. Community isn't about grouping people by age...it's about reaching out and making connections.
I for one love your blog (especially that it's so constantly updated). It's a rare woman who can be so direct and honest while remaining thoughtful and reflective. I don't comment here because you're Tyler's mom. I comment here because your writing touches me. It's that simple.
I hope you start teaching at YSU. We could work on our syllabi together, or we could sneak of to Inner Circle for glasses of wine in the afternoon ;)
You should know that Im a picky blog reader and Tyler's mom notwithstanding, I would not come and comment as much as I do if you weren't Amazingly bright and Adventurously funny!(on facebook you say? Going there now!) And I agree with Tyler and Jaci (and Lucy) too and love the idea of finding each other through these kind of connections as a way of community building. At the same time, I think I can understand where you are coming from. I read your stories and insights and I am humbly aware that I have a lot more to gain than you do from our friendship. I honestly do wish I had a mother like that to offer you. but I have a feeling that it is not going to take you too long to find more of your people in this community. I really hope I see you again soon.
Lucy and crse, I'm humbled by your comments. Thanks!
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