Lifestyles of the Mature and Wise

I've been thinking a lot about relationships since my dining experience with Ron and Marcia yesterday at Youngstown Country Club.

Over the years, as I provided background piano music at elegant parties, I would frequently think to myself, "I should be a guest here, not the hired help." And yet I would continue accepting the gigs and enjoying the praise, with the knowledge that I was assisting the hostess in staging a memorable evening. Because I'm a helper, always a helper.

As I sat in the ambiance of that lovely dining room, I remember many lunches and dinners with John at Hidden Creek Country Club in Reston. I have many warm memories of hours spent in that environment where people knew us, where we belonged. Our wedding was beautifully staged there, and we fit very easily into that lifestyle.

In the past, when I would have a first date or first few dates with a new man, I would consider, fleetingly, how I might fit into his life or how he might fit into mine. More importantly, I would consider whether my children would like him, whether he'd fit into our "We are an American family." (Remember Joe Fox in "You've Got Mail"?)

In the past I've always just assumed my potential mate would be able to adjust to fit into my lifestyle. Isn't everyone as adaptable as I am?

The Traveler and I were talking about this today. I've told him so much about the Moveable Musical Feasts staged by Shawn Campbell and her staff at the Tucson Symphony that he's decided he wants to attend one. And I'm not there to accompany him, so he has to find a date who likes classical music. And as much as I'd like to think everyone on earth appreciates Bach and Tchaikovsky and Mahler and Britten and Fauré and and and, it's a sad fact of civilization in 2008 that fewer and fewer people appreciate and want to experience live classical music.

Will I be able to take my date to an office party without worrying that he'll embarrass me? Will I be able to walk into a party with him and not worry about the amount of alcohol he's imbibing? Will I be able to take him to a symphony concert and not worry about him falling asleep and snoring? (Trust me; these are not idle concerns. These are experiences I've lived through.)

The bottom line of my conversation with the Traveler this afternoon was our agreement that people who have achieved and surpassed the age of 50 have the tendency to be set in their ways and rather averse to change. Not for nobody. Not for nothin'.

Maybe it's time, as I'm searching for one or some man/men with whom to spend some of my precious time, that I consider more carefully whether and how they will fit into my chosen lifestyle.