It All Works Together

Over the past two weekends, I watched my younger son perform three times. Easy Street Productions brought "Forever Plaid" back to the Ford Recital Hall. (Here's the review.)

It was such a joy for me to watch this man perform. His first experiences with theatre were during his summers living with me in Gaithersburg, Maryland. Because of his innate musicality, he won a leading role in every musical he auditioned for. Then, once I got custody of him, he performed in a musical at Georgetown Day High School before spending three years at Interlochen Arts Academy, where he was exposed to opera and theatre productions.

He loved acting and singing. Several times we discussed whether he should pursue music or theatre in college. He had found passions to follow with his exposure to these art forms.



It's no secret that I walked out of that marriage when my sons were five and six. It's also no secret that I've kicked myself regularly in the ensuing 30 years for that action. I feel remorse on a regular basis, although both my sons have repeatedly told me that they understand and don't blame me for my action.

When I stop to look at the influences on my sons' lives that yielded the men they became, I have to recognize the power of multiple inputs in their lives.

They grew up in a very conservative religion-centric household where God's perceived word ruled all. Then in the summers they would come to me and get to let loose, to play and pretend, in a manner that (to my understanding) was never allowed in their other home.

If I had not left, I would not have gotten the job at IBM, which led to their having computers when they were eight or ten years old. Not many of their friends had computers or had the opportunity to learn to program computers at such a young age.

If I had not left, I would not have ended up in D.C., where on their visits they were exposed to a much broader range of opportunities than they would have seen in north Texas in the mid- to late-80s and early 90s. They wouldn't have gone to theatre camps and computer camps and horseback-riding or tennis camps.

If I had not left, I would not have learned about National Music Camp (Interlochen Center for the Arts). Tyler's years at Interlochen were some of the most formative in his life (to date).

If I had not been willing to work a full-time plus two part-time jobs while in law school after gaining custody, I would not have been able to afford these opportunities for him.

It was hard. Life was hard. In retrospect, I don't know how I endured all that.

But look at the results. One son has a very successful career in network administration, where future employers grab him from present employers based on what they hear about his skills. The other son has a loving and supportive marriage of almost 13 years, to a wonderful woman. They have turned out to be terrific parents to two beautiful and talented kids. He has a career in which he is highly respected and sought-after in the community. It doesn't get much better than what these young men have made for themselves!

You know all those times I wished my birthmother had been able to get an abortion instead of putting me up for adoption? I guess that wasn't meant to be.

All my foibles and difficulties worked together to create wonderful lives for my offspring.

Even thought you can't see it as you're laying each brick of your life, those bricks mount up, across time, to make a strong and sheltering building.