Both Ends of the Spectrum

I received a surprise phone call today from a man I've been friends with since, I think, he was 4 and I was 3. We went to church together as toddlers, then to elementary school and high school together. We were both musicians and have kept in touch through the years. As much as I didn't like my church-affiliated high school experience, nor my first year of college in a church-affiliated school, I love the fact that we have all stayed connected through the years.

My friend, Bob, is now caring for his elderly aunt who raised him. She is in her mid-80s, and has surrendered her mind to Alzheimer's. She stepped in and raised him when her sister, Bob's mother, was not in a position to do so. He feels he owes who he is today to this woman, and quit his job to care for her.

I think sometimes about stay-at-home mothers with small children and their need for communication with an adult. As Bob and I chatted today, I realized he is in no different position than those mothers. He married for the second time a couple of years ago and has a wonderful marriage, but he spends all day caring for a woman who doesn't know who he is. Bob mentioned several of our old classmates with whom he had recently spoken. If I were in his position, I believe I would be spending every moment of the patient's naps on the phone with old friends, trying to maintain my own sanity.

My mother, at 96, has a great brain, and my brothers, sister-in-law, and I knock wood whenever we speak. Mother now lives to eat and sleep, but thank heavens she knows who we are and can still write letters and carry on phone conversations and amuse herself. She may not be able to hear everything I say on the phone, but what she can hear, she understands and responds to. She has a quick sense of humor, and it remains intact.

Isn't the circle of life fantastically interesting? You start by being taken care of by someone bigger and stronger. If you're lucky enough to live a long life so you can see your children and grandchildren and, maybe, great-grandchildren grow and prosper, you will probably end up being cared for—again—by someone bigger and stronger.

I've often said it was my honor to walk with my late husband to his death. It has been my honor for the past eight years to help out with my grandchildren. If my mother deteriorates such that we have to provide care for her, we will be honored to do so. But we sure hope it doesn't come to that. And you can bet I don't want to burden my children with my own care.

Couldn't there have been a better plan for the universe—some way to say, "I've had enough; it's time to go"?

Unfortunately, this is another of those topics for which I have no answers, only questions.