The Gift

About three months before his death (on the 30th of June, ten years ago), John fell and broke several ribs. His bones were filled to overflowing with cancer and there was nothing the doctors could do about the breaks, so they just increased his pain meds and he dealt with the pain.

Within a few weeks, he went on medical leave from his job at the Pentagon, and we started processing the paperwork for his disability retirement. As the days passed, he spent more and more time in his recliner, dozing.

He would call in to work occasionally to catch up with his friends, especially Annie, a 40ish USAF captain whom he respected highly. In early June, I noticed more calls with Annie, and then she came to visit a couple of times. Then one day he asked me to write Annie a check, specifying the amount and telling me not to ask why.

I figured he had something up his sleeve but wasn't sure what. On my birthday, Annie stopped by with an elegantly-wrapped package for me. When I opened the gift, I found a beautiful gold omega chain. This man, in spite of his incredible and pervasive pain, had made sure I had a wonderful piece of jewelry for my birthday, something that would remind me of him every time I wore it.

Annie told me later that he had known exactly what he wanted, and she had had to buy and return several items until finding the right one. He wouldn't be dissuaded from his decision about the perfect gift for me.

This behavior was so typical of JR. I have a gold rope bracelet that he gave me for my 38th birthday, just a couple of months after we met. I have worn it almost every day for 20 years. On my right wrist I wear a gold Italian bracelet that he bought when he went on a Panama Canal cruise during the years we were apart. When I'm acutely missing him, I wear my wedding ring—a delicate vintage-inspired ring with two Burmese rubies and a small diamond. We always joked that he got me a big house rather than a big diamond. And when the outfit calls for it, I wear the gold omega chain and remember the many sacrifices of this man to express his love for me.