I woke up at 6:30 in the Marriott this morning and realized I had had a very strange dream so I forced myself to wake up and start writing it down. The more I wrote, the more I remembered and the stranger it got.
Here goes:
I had been trying to figure out where to live. I had a map of Arizona, New Mexico, and Colorado and was driving around a lot of back roads. My major concern was whether these small back roads would be passable in the winter.
Daddy was alive. We were out in the country in southwestern New Mexico, close to Arizona (i.e. not too far from Tucson). We stopped to see a friend of Daddy's. We drove down a long dirt road, then walked back through a bunch of ramshackle buildings until we got to this friend's house. There was, between this man and me, an immediate spark of interest, a feeling of closeness. After talking to him for a little while, we walked back to one of the buildings closer to where we had parked and it was like antiques and collectibles. He had two large cases of diamond jewelry and I was looking at the diamond jewelry. I think both he and Daddy were in their 70s in this scenario. (Daddy was just shy of his 71st birthday when he died.)
Then the scene changes and I'm in Tucson at some county office building. I walk through the building and I see a woman I know in one of the rooms. I walk into the room to say hello to her and I see Frank and one of his Fillies (can't remember which was it was). When I asked what he was doing there, he said he was getting married. I asked him why he was getting married, and he said "because [the Filly] wanted to." I called Deena (another Filly and my hair stylist) and asked her if she knew about this and for her to come right over. (Aside: Deena is the one I called immediately when I learned that Wendy had died - to find out if Deena had heard from Frank and if he knew.) Deena came over to where I was and we sat in the room at a table while Frank and his Filly got married. Then the officiant handed Deena the marriage certificate to sign. I wanted to sign it. I was upset that the officiant hadn't given it to me to sign. I was mad that Frank had gotten married and I wanted to be the one to sign the papers so that every time Frank's wife looked at her marriage certificate she would see my signature. I just wanted to haunt her for taking my buddy away.
I walked out of the building at the same time as Frank and his bride but I wouldn't look at him. He kept looking at me but I refused to look in his direction. I was just mad. I got in my car to drive back to Daddy's friend's house.The separate buildings were now one long maze-like building. Now I had a dog with me, a large dog about the size of a Weimaraner. We had to go past the dwellings of about five families who had dogs to get back to the friend's dwelling so I had to hold onto my dog by the collar. When I got back to the friend's dwelling, I was thrilled to see he had two Rottweilers. (In case you don't know this about me, Jaci had a Rottie named Justice when I met her, and we all loved Justice. He was the sweetest, most loving dog I've ever known. As Wolfie is to cats, Justice is to dogs. Justice defined what a dog should be.) Daddy's friend was very happy to see me when I walked in. He said he had a house in Phoenix and I could come visit him there.
And then a hot flash woke me up!
I thought this dream was interesting for several topics. One was Daddy being alive. Daddy died in December of 1984. I still miss him and think of him frequently. He was about the only thing giving me confidence and self-worth in the first 20 years of my life. I adored him.
The next interesting topic was Frank getting married and how mad I was that I was losing my breakfast and dinner buddy. I have hardly heard from Frank in three weeks. I believe Wendy's death has been hard for him, and he met a new woman on eHarmony, so those two issues have kept him too busy to ask me to dinner. I miss his company very much and have been feeling abandoned. So when I heard he was getting married (in my dream) I just wanted to emotionally torture and haunt this woman who was stealing him away from me.
And then the topic of this friend of my daddy's and the immediate interest and connection to him. It's interesting that he was in his 70s and I thought nothing of that. The last two men I've dated have been in their upper 60s and I've been concerned that they were too old for me — that I feel very young for my age and would rather be with someone closer to my age.
Finally, the case of diamond jewelry. New York City is very closely tied to my diamond ring. I picked out the diamond while on the phone with Steve in northern Sweden on Thursday night of Girls' Broadway Weekend 1999. Then in 2004 after the breakup with Steve, I traded my Steve-diamond up for a bigger stone. Ever since that transaction, there have been questions of valuation on this diamond. I cannot get my diamond wholesaler, Michael, who lives in Manhattan, to resolve this question and I agonize over it. So being back in the City, thinking about that stone, and wondering how I can get this man to get off his duff and do the right thing about this stone — or, if he's not going to do the right thing, at least return it to me!
On the topic of travel - having the map and traveling around trying to figure out where to live: Job offers or job queries tend to come in threes for me. This happened in 2006 at the time I got the job at IBM. Now this has happened again. Friday a week ago I found the job posting at YSU. Then on Tuesday I received a call from Intuit about a Senior Technical Editor position on TurboTax. At the time I got that call, I wondered when the third query would come in. On Friday I got an e-mail from a company in Youngstown to whom I applied for a position a couple of months ago. The woman said there were now ready to start interviewing and she was wondering if I was still interested.
So after being so discouraged for so long, I finally have some confidence that things are going to start breaking free in my life and I'll get houses sold, jobs resolve, and can be with my family again.
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This has been a long and rather disjointed post, but follows a night of long, active and disjointed dreams. And seems rather significant, don't you think?
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Sunday morning p.s.
I sent Frank a text message yesterday telling him I had dreamed he got married. He called back and left a message saying it sounded more like a nightmare to him. :)
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