My colleague Rajendran Subramaniam lost his father a month ago. He had to take almost a month off from work to return to India as there is a three week process for them to bury their dead.
Raj has a beautiful little daughter who turns one today. I mentioned it when I saw him this morning and asked if they were having a little party tonight. I know in his religion there is a ritual at one year of age where they shave the child's head, but I didn't know whether they also have birthday parties.
He said he is not supposed to celebrate anything for a year following the death of his father. They will have a small children's party on Saturday, but nothing major, and nothing major for his son's 6th birthday in August.
His statement of the year of mourning made me start thinking about the passages of life.
I've told my kids repeatedly that all anyone needs to say after I die is "she was kind." That's how I want to be remembered. I don't want mourning. Sure, I know my kids and grandkids and friends will miss me, but don't mourn. Celebrate. Celebrate the fact that we had such fun together and made beautiful music or dyed beautiful silk or watched a beautiful sunset together. Don't put your life on hold for a predetermined period of time, determined by some holy person ten centuries ago.
I'm all for ritual and tradition, but life is to be lived, not mourned.
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