Lies and Emotions

I've just finished reading (listening to) "The Patron Saint of Liars", by Ann Patchett. I read "Bel Canto" when it first came out, and loved every word. I thought that was Ms. Patchett's first book, so was excited a couple of weeks ago to find several more of her works on Audible, including "Liars", which predated "Bel Canto".

The subject matter was hard for the Little Adoptee in me, on several fronts. I ached for Thomas, to not know his wife was pregnant when she ran off. I felt judgmental toward Rose, to have kept the baby when she clearly did not have the disposition nor inclination to devote any love or energy on this baby. I felt sad for Son, to have a wife in name only, a wife who couldn't be bothered to love him. I projected on Cecelia that she would feel not-good-enough for her mother, something I've felt my whole life.

I was horrified that Rose would have ignored Son's pleas to choose a name for the baby other than that of his former girlfriend. I worried about Son, unknowingly married to a woman who was already married. I felt sadness for Thomas, to never know he had a daughter, and I wondered about my birthfather—did he ever know; would he have cared had he known?

And yet, I realized there must have been something in Rose's past—I'm not sure what, as her past was pretty clearly defined in the book—that also made her feel not-good-enough. Why would she have left this man who loved her and why would she not have been able to love this baby, short of seriously judging her own abilities? It made me feel very introspective, looking at how I had walked out of a marriage when I felt I had nothing to give.

But most of all, I felt horrified for all the lies and secrets and silences. It was as if there was a herd of elephants in the room that no one would ever speak of.

There's a lot to be said for openness and honesty. The bottom line? It's so much simpler than deceit!

As I was googling the title of the book, I discovered it was made into a movie in the late 90s. It will be going in my Netflix queue.

What are you reading?