Influences on Parenting Styles

You who are long-time readers know that I do not have an ideal relationship with my mother. I wish it were different, but it is what it is.

As the years have passed in my life, I have noted those people I know who had worse — much worse — mothers. Steve Pink (EEFFH) is one of those. One of the regular readers of this blog who shall remain nameless is another. And my daughter-in-law is a third. And she is also the winner in this informal poll.

Some mothers are dysfunctional out of ignorance; others out of some chemical imbalance in the brain; still others out of pure malice. I don't know why my DIL's mother is the way she is and treats her daughter the way she does but, again, it is what it is. She has a wonderful daughter, a smart, talented, motivated, devoted-to-her-family-and-friends, drop-dead gorgeous daughter. And she doesn't have a clue.

My relationship with my mother and lack of relationship with my birthmother caused me to shy away from women. It has taught me to be careful of trusting any woman. It made it hard for me to form lasting bonds with loved ones. And it taught me not to have daughters. (Mother said, "You don't want to have a daughter. She'd be just like you and no one would want that.")

By all rights, my daughter-in-law should have similar attitudes toward girl-children. But I watch her interact with her daughter, our darling 4yo Ridley, and I am amazed and in awe. It's as if she wants to make sure Ridley has all the emotional support that Jaci never got from her own mother. She is supportive, caring, loving, patient. Incredibly patient with a little girl who can emote tears at the snap of a finger. Where I would roll my eyes, Jaci would whisper just the right calming phrase. Where I would pull back, Jaci moves forward, encompassing Ridley's inner demons with brilliant affection.

Said it before and will say it again: if I searched the world over to find the perfect wife for Tyler, I could never have found someone as wonderful as Jaci.

My sons are lucky they were boys. And my granddaughter (and grandson, too, of course) is lucky to have Jaci Clark for her "Rara."